What do you got?

What do you got, if you ain’t got love
Whatever you got, it just ain’t enough
You’re walkin’ the road, but you’re goin’ nowhere
You’re tryin’ to find your way home, but there’s no one there
Who do you hold, in the dark of night
You wanna give up, but it’s worth the fight
You have all the things, that you’ve been dreamin’ of

- What do you got by Bon Jovi

sigh, sunday was a fricking shit day. am shift, with both brunch and a high tea to do. was busy trying to help the indian chef set up his side when one of the other chef grabs me and throws me to the carving section. so my hope for a lunch break went out the window. then i heard the buffet supposed to end at 3 (which is my clock out timing) so thought i would just tahan and then go off after packing. in the end my supervisor wanted me to go set up some stuff for mon's breakfast. but i couldnt cause the stewards hadnt removed some of the bulky stuff. so had to wait...

finally at 4 they finish and im allowed to go set up the stuff. only managed to leave work at 440 like that. so first thing i do is to get a big gulp and have a seat on a bench by the road side. all the while form 3 trying my best not to break... so to distract myself i take out my phone and turn on the radio. and this was one of the songs that came on.

and it started to get me thinking about whats important to me now. and more so, why they are important. i would say at that point i absolutely HATED work and everyone there. but i started to wonder who was i 'afraid to lose' and i realized that work was me 'walkin’ the road, but you’re goin’ nowhere, You’re tryin’ to find your way home, but there’s no one there' and it struck me 'Who do you hold, in the dark of night, You wanna give up, but it’s worth the fight, You have all the things, that you’ve been dreamin’ of' and 'If you ain’t got love, it’s all just keeping score
If you ain’t got love, what the hell we doing it for'

i remembered my reasons for wanting to be a chef, and i am working towards that, so the people im surrounded by at work dont matter, cause they arent the people i love. what i love is spinning and taekwando. not just cause of what they mean to me, but because of the people who are there beside me while im doing it.

i know who really cares about me and i can see who just says that they do. so, thats what i got.

Ode to ..........

ever tried to fix a problem and just have it blow in your face? isnt that just a lovely feeling? i apologized, i tried to still be your friend, i even went to the extent of trying straight out to reconcile. But it seems i was wasting my time.

Guess i was wasting my time all along. your just like everyone else, why did i bother so much when none of it was real? if anything you just caused me to go mess up a perfectly good friendship i had. he was right. grow up.

hate me for all you want. at least im human, your more plastic then barbie, and when you've gone and chased away anyone they actually gave a shit about you, you'll only have yourself to blame.

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Taken from: http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html

$35 - Part 1

*takes deep breath*

*blows hard*

*cough* *cough* *cough*

yeah, sorry guys for not blogging for ages, life's been either too mundane or too "hush hush", so dont want to blog bout the first one and cant blog bout the second one! haha.

so here is a lil peak into my day!

the usual struggle between me and my blanket (speaking of!! my mom brought back my suade, least i think it was suade, quilt! hehe!!) the blanket had me pinned down from 6am. finally at 640 i broke free of its sleeper hold (pun fully intended) did my usual 20min ritual, and 5min of fb (quick sound of the horn, been stuck in the damn dojo for a month now trying to rack up tokens, about half way there...)

*skips mundane commute to work*

since we were having some SMU function (86+1 paxs) so didnt think would have to do the normal stuff, but xiang said just do, then later when chef came he said its all in the way, so put one side first...

service was crazy, had to learn how to do everything banquet style (and you know the saying of "too many chef spoil the batter" yeah, cant work when 3 people want to do your job, cause they think it will be faster, when really they just crowd your table and mess up your rhythm)

first was the soups, thought would be just me and xiang pouring, then suddenly one of the other guys steps in, and since he was blocking my way to the rest of the soup jugs, all i could do was stand there, then like after the first tray goes out, the damn potage (soup guy) decides to be proud of his soup and pour himself, so i have NO bloody space to do anything and just end up blocking the way, then when i go to try and fill the rest of the trays, the bugger has the guts to scold me...sigh,

second up was the mains, first mabel wanted to put the parsley on the chicken, which i really didnt bother about at the time and was only worried that she might block me, cause of the awkward position of the table (it only allowed for one person to hand off the plates, and that was me. at first was a bit rocky, cause had to focus on putting parsley and wiping the plates, then once i found my groove of "left hand take plate, right put parsley, right wipe rim" every thing was fine (except my back, since the damn table is shorter than my hip) then came the annoyance of half the plates coming with sauce and the other half without, was sorted out by adam helping me put sauce so i could flow. then my 'hero' joseph steps in, and due to the small space almost pushes me away from the table so it made its damn hard for me to work or concentrate...

NVM, every plate was out, and it was only 1pm, chef told me to settle everything the dismiss the guys, so since we needed to do some prep for tmr, i thought it would be better if we did the prep then threw out the garbage since the prep would cause some pile up, and we all wanted to eat the leftover mains. so dilly dally and all that, in the end only got changed at 220. then xiang tells us to meet at 430 at harbourfront for the job at sentosa later that night.

so to kill time we all just went to harbourfront first, since 2hrs isnt that much time.

*end of part 1*

Reasons not to get up in the morning

#1: Thought class was at 8am, in the end was at 845
#2: Felt faint the whole morning (probably due to the fever)
#3: Forgot my whisk(s)
#4: Messed up the filleting
#5: Over roasted the potatoes
#6: Over dried the tomatoes
#7: Over whipped the Meringue
#8: Skin stuck to the pan
#9: Burned the butter and onions
#10: Didn't cook the asparagus properly
#11: Fish ended up being naked
#12: Took me 10 min to plate
#13: Over seasoned potatoes
#14: Sour tasting tomatoes
#15: Connsume looked like chicken broth
_________________________________________________

Reasons to get up in the morning:
#1: Because you believe in us.

Thank you chef daisy for all you guidance and support over the past 2 terms, you really have been a mother figure to us, always scolding and nagging at us, we will miss you a lot. =)

A fever you cant sweat out

lol, haven't had the time to do this recently, haha.

well, its finally time; sick again. wont go into the horrible details, but will say its damn weird.

was ok till friday. we had to run our buffet and dont know how or why i ended up upstairs to serve, was just going to play a supportive role, but jacob looked like he was having trouble with the salad so helped him, then as it was almost time o pack up, he said he wanted to go rest, so i told him i could manage and both me and haikel told him to go back downstairs.

when it was time to pack up, taufik tells me that he had gone home. so after class that day i messaged him to see if he was ok, turns out he had a slight fever but rested and felt better, so jsut went home to prepare for session in the evening. FUNNY thing! when i got home i felt kinda feverish too, so just took some pills and drank some water. thought would be fine, since i felt feverish, but didnt have a temperature.

by the time i got home, really felt damn bad. was a scary 38.1, so just went straight to bed. was better when i woke up, was a bit dizzy, but other than that was ok. sat went well, went for class, lan and a movie, came back and drank 2 bottles of wine with the guys (and listened to their crazy plans)(bloody bad idea)

was ok today till i got home, felt damn bad, had to take a short nap just to function...have to finish the assignment, gonna skip morning classes, cant be bothered, my health is more important. haha!

Angst

i may just be over thinking things, but why are you always so angsty or cold towards me, have things changed that much over such a short time? is it cause of that stuff that happened? why? really, whats going on?
___________________________________________________

i dont know anymore. haha, not sure if im happy about that or not. no probably not, everything just became a pile of stuff waiting for the opportune moment to spring up and make a mess of things, haha, no such luck for any clean breaks.

Domo Arigato, Imouto.

haha, for a while now been deciding to join the sea bass compt, finally decided against it. haha. took me 2 trials and a lot of thinking to remind me why i started cooking in the first place. haha, and realized that competitions technically goes against my own principles for cooking. also since sat been wondering my current priorities, was kinda obvious today (thanks to phine) haha. hope i can survive school with this new resolve. haha!!

darn! speaking of which! i still need to cut my hair! die. haha!

PS: Boku wa imouto ni aijou o suru! (apologize for what i assume to be bad grammar)

Personal Problems Aside

hmm, been contemplating to set-up another blog for a long while. haha, but cant be bothered! haha! so guess i'll stick to this one!

and enough of the emo stuff, lets see if i can still blog like i used to...

typical friday, IS in the morning (french onion soup, clam chowder and a salad. which all became lunch) got my usual scolding from XL for drinking soft drinks, but really couldn't stay awake...FHH was ok cause of the usual non sense in class, couldn't understand a thing in cost control (though i did burst chef niwaz's bubble when he talked bout ion....speaking of which, val still owes me a jalan jalan session!) fell asleep during demo again, lucky chef daisy gives us the ingredients first now a days, more or less can figure out the order. either way, tmr should be fast.

kinda getting lazy about alot of things (or maybe its sian of somethings, haha, cant tell the diff) still not even sure if i want to enter the sea bass competition, i kinda already have my plan all out, but form the looks of it, chef isnt very supportive of it. haiz, dont know what to do...about alot of things, haha!

least im still keeping my head above water!

"Why cant we be ourselves like we were yesterday"

To: You

its so random, haha. why would i suddenly think of you after so long. went looking for your blog again (no such luck) though if i remember its been a while since you updated anyway. Didnt wish you happy birthday last year. was kinda caught up in stuff. wonder how you've been. saw the poster for the netball championships thing, reminded me of you. haha! not as if you'll ever read this. damn weird that im thinking of you. haha. again, sorry.

Jem.

its so weird, to suddenly miss someone you havent talked to in years. but guess if you could control your emotions, things wouldnt be as interesting right? listening to Bizarre Love Triangle again, after so long. not sure if i remember that song cause of the above person or vice-versa. "oh wells" eh. haha. so much on my plate (school, church, 2 bands) why am i worrying about this? haha!